On Learning

Dear John,

I don't want you to think that the intent of this project is for me to live your life for you. I know I've outright said as much, but I want to expound upon that long enough for you to understand where I'm coming from and what I hope this project will be for you.

Everyone learns differently. As a teacher, I learned that the hard way. Finding a way to make information accessible is something most teachers struggle with through their entire career. And that's just in school! Imagine what it's like to learn in any sort of informal setting – like at home, or your own life experiences.

Every teenager I've ever met, myself included, thinks they've got it all figured out. I would not be surprised at all if the same thing happens to you. Don't feel bad if it does – it's perfectly normal. I consider it a rite of passage to not figure out until you're at least 25 how much of an idiot you were at 12.

The reality is that the world will always be both bigger and smaller than you can possibly imagine.

Bigger, because there will always be other cultures, other people, other places, other experiences that can shape who you are. You cannot possibly experience everything, and therefore, there is always the chance that you will experience something that will change your perspective. This is not something to be feared; rather, this is something to be embraced.

Smaller, because you will always encounter people who can relate to the experiences you've had, and with whose experiences you can relate. Maybe you know the same people; maybe you went to the same places or the same events. You can form a bond over any of these things. Sometimes, though, it's not the same experiences or the same kinds of stories that bond you to other people, it's finding out that you've made the same life decisions through entirely different means.

An example: We spent Christmas Eve with Chris' family this year. I love going there; imagine if you took our family and shrunk all of it down to 1/3 size, but kept all of the energy and idiosyncrasy and close ties. (Someday I'll finally get around to having you see for yourself. I think you'd love it as much as I do.) Sometimes, at big gatherings, I like to just sit back and watch (or listen), because I love observing how people interact with each other. I also like it because it gives me time to process, which is why I like to call it my downtime.

At one point while I was having my downtime, Chris' cousin Tommy was talking about a book he was reading, in which a guy lived with one of the tribes of the Amazon (I think) and had some incredible encounters with nature while there, and how so much of that is borne of a different way of thinking, of responding to the world around us. I don't remember the whole story at this point, but I remember being interested enough to stop observing and start really focusing on listening to what he had to say. We wound up moving into a quieter room so we could talk more easily, and he told me a story about a person who'd been born to an African tribe, kidnapped and raised in a Western lifestyle, finally returned and re-initiated into his tribe through a series of ordeals, only to be told he needed to go back out and tell his story to Western cultures again. Tommy had heard the man speak (or something to that effect) and had found his story very powerful and enlightening.

We talked some more, about teaching philosophies and learning mechanisms; I told some of my stories from teaching sex ed (including all the requisite innuendo), and about things I'd learned from training people at work, and that sort of thing (all of which you'll hear more about later, I promise), and Tommy told me more about some of the experiences he's had, especially while doing some of his primitive-skills training and teaching.

What's the point of all this? Tommy and I could not possibly have come from different backgrounds, especially sociologically speaking. There is a reason why people from different regions of the U.S. say that going to other places is like going to another world, after all. Going from a small family farm in a small and decidedly lower-to-middle-class town in practically-rural New Jersey to, well, basically anywhere in Nassau County (Long Island) is kind of a huge cultural difference as it is. But growing up “farm” leads to a whole set of experiences that can't really be had any other way, and since I don't know any other way of growing up, I can't really describe it. However, I know from the stories we've shared that my experiences have been very local-centric and rather mainstream in this regard, whereas Tommy's experiences are much more geographically and culturally widespread, and rather off the beaten path.

The point is that although Tommy and I have such fundamentally different backgrounds and our own collection of experiences that have only rarely crossed paths, we've managed to come to the same conclusions about teaching, and about learning. The point of listening to the teachings of others is not to live vicariously through them, or to obey without questioning. The point of listening to the teachings of others is to hear what they've experienced, and then decide for yourself what you're going to do with it. You can follow in their footsteps; you can go in an opposite direction; or you can do any combination thereof.

It is your life to be lived; I simply offer these stories as a guide when you feel you need it. As the great Morpheus said, I can only show you the door; you are the one that has to walk through it.

Love,

JRM